Crisis of Character: Parental Alienation

When parents separate or divorce, it is critical for them to put the needs of the children above their own. Even in divorce, children need the love of both parents.

In too many cases, the "child is used as a pawn" to harm, manipulate or persecute the other parent. The result of this destructive behavior is called Parental Alienation and "deprives children of their right to be loved by and showing love for both of their parents."

[Reprinted from the Parental Alienation Awareness website – www.parental-alienation-awareness.com]

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation involves the mental manipulation of children with the purpose of destroying a loving and warm relationship they once shared with a parent.

Parental alienation and hostile aggressive parenting deprives children of their right to be loved by and showing love for both of their parents.

Parents/guardians using alienation tactics to hurt the other 'target' parent have been compared to cult leaders. These people put their own hatred, anger and motives before their own childs emotional and mental health. In effect, they treat their children as nothing more than possessions, and ammunition to hurt the 'target' parent.

Professionals argue whether Parental Alienation is a Syndrome or not. But they all agree that the problem exists and it's damaging to children, and can affect them into adulthood.

What is Parental Alienation Syndrome?

Parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a psychological condition most often observed in children affected by high conflict divorce and/or separation. It is one of the most damaging outcomes affecting children as a result of exposure to Hostile-Aggressive Parenting. The most common symptom of children affected by PAS is their severe opposition to contact with one parent and/or overt hatred toward such parent when there is little and often, no logical reason to explain the child's behavior. The effects of PAS can last well into adulthood and may last for a lifetime with tragic consequences.

How does it happen?

During the crisis of divorce, most parents fear whether their children will emerge unscathed. Any reasonable and empathetic parent sincerely believes in the value of his or her children having a healthy relationship with both parents. Ideally, parents deliberately work on comforting and reassuring the children that no harm will come to them. At the same time, both try to strengthen their parent-child relationships without degrading the other parent or causing the children to feel divided loyalty. They encourage visits, talk kindly of the other parent in the children's presence, and set aside their own negative feelings to avoid causing the children distress. They are sensitive to the children's needs and encourage positive feelings toward the other parent. This outcome is the goal of not only the parents and children, but also the attorneys and judge involved in the case.

However, any number of events can destroy the fragile balance of peace between parents. If this happens, an injured parent may seek comfort by aligning with the children, especially since be or she may feel threatened by the children's love for the other parent. A pattern of alienation usually begins without any malicious or conscious intent to harm or destroy the relationship between the other parent and the children. Though most parents mean well, they are often unaware of how subtle behaviors and comments can hurt the relationship between the children and the targeted parent. Alienating parents however learn how to manipulate and use their children to hurt the other parent on purpose, and with a vengeance. This can include anything from outright telling the children their other parent does not love them and does not want to be with them, to destroying and hiding communication from the other parent, to simply refusing to act as a 'parent' when a child does not want to spend time with, or is rude to, the other, and empowering their child to do as they wish.

In 1994, approximately 2.4+ million North Americans obtained divorces, including the parents of more than one million children under the age of eighteen. Nearly as many unmarried couples with children will separate. Thanks to sky-high divorce rates and recent increases in the number and viciousness of child custody battles, there has been a marked increase in parental alienation. Children suffer from a breakup because they are torn, trapped, precariously balanced, as if one wrong move could cost them all their parents' love and acceptance. This can easily lead to disastrous effects on children. Various studies show that youngsters exposed to even mildly alienating behaviors may have trouble learning, concentrating, relaxing, or getting along with their peers. They have been known to develop physical symptoms and/or serious behavior problems. Clearly then, parental alienation is a threat to the mental and emotional health of a child.

Some early signs of Parental Alienation:

• Children perceive one parent as causing financial problems of the other parent
• Children appear to have knowledge of details relating to the legal aspects of the divorce or separation
• Children show sudden negative change in their attitude toward a parent/guardian
• Children appear uneasy around target parent - they resort to "one word" answers and fail to engage openly in conversations as they previously have done
• Children are uncharacteristically rude and/or belligerent to target parent
• Access time is not occurring as agreed upon or court ordered - visitation is being unilaterally cut back by the other parent
• Hostile Aggressive Parent (HAP) parent undermines the other parent or speaks disparagingly about other parent in the presence of the children
• HAP parent starts making reference to other parent as being abusive and a risk to the children with no apparent good reason
• Allowing children to choose whether or not to visit a parent, even though the court has not empowered the parent or children to make that choice;
• Telling the children about why the marriage failed and giving them the details about the divorce or separation settlement;
• Refusing the other parent access to medical and school records or schedules of extracurricular activities;
• Blaming the other parent for not having enough money, changes in lifestyle, or other problems in the children's presence;
• Rigid enforcement of the visitation schedule for no good reason other than getting back at the other parent;
• False allegations of sexual abuse, drug and alcohol use or other illegal activities by the other parent;
• Asks the children to choose one parent over the other;
• Reminding the children that the children have good reason to feel angry toward their other parent;
• Setting up temptations that interfere with visitation;
• Giving the children the impression that having a good time on a visit will hurt the parent;
• Asking the children about the other parent's personal life;
• 'Rescuing' the children from the other parent when there is no danger.

Simply put, the parents engaging in such behavior are un-fit, abusive parents, putting their own emotional needs before those of their children.

Parents who are suffering from the distress of a breakup must be fully committed to the best interests of the child and avoid using the child to abuse the other parent. Effects of parental alienation only compound the tension between parents and, more tragically, leave emotional scars on the child that can last a lifetime.

Violence Prevention through Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution is often referred to as verbal judo, non-violent intervention, dispute resolution or conflict management. Essentially, conflict resolution is the process by which individuals attempt to amicably resolve a dispute or conflict. It is a necessary skill for individuals in contemporary society where serious verbal and physical aggression seems to be an everyday occurrence.

Developing the ability to resolve conflict is important for youth and anyone associated with the education and activities of young people, as well as for security professionals, law enforcement officials, and corporate managers.

[Reprinted from the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center website – www.safeyouth.org]

Conflict Resolution

Introduction

Too often, minor disagreements lead to serious violence among teens. In fact, one national survey found that 33 percent of high school students said they had been in a physical fight within the past year (CDC 2004). Conflicts and disagreements are a part of life, but they do not have to end in violence. This fact sheet discusses how teens can work through disagreements without resorting to fighting.

---

What is conflict resolution?

Conflict resolution is about teaching people new ways to work through and resolve disputes that don’t involve violence. Many schools and community groups offer conflict resolution programs for teens.

---

How does conflict resolution work?

Most conflict resolution programs follow a series of steps that include (Crawford and Bodine 1996):

1. Setting ground rules. Agree to work together and set rules such as no name-calling, blaming, yelling or interrupting.
2. Listening. Let each person describe their point of view without interruption. The point is to understand what a person wants and why they want it.
3. Finding common interests. Establish facts and issues that everyone can agree on and determine what is important to each person.
4. Brainstorming possible solutions to the problem. List all options without judging them or feeling that they must be carried out. Try to think of solutions where everyone gains something.
5. Discussing each person's view of the proposed solutions. Negotiate and try to reach a compromise that is acceptable to everyone involved.
6. Reaching an agreement. Each person should state his or her interpretation of the agreement. Try writing the agreement down and checking back at a later time to see how it is working.

---

What you can do

Learn ways to resolve conflicts peacefully and encourage your friends to do the same. Find out about conflict resolution programs in your school or community. In addition (Schwartz 1995):

• Figure out what methods work for you to control your anger (see Anger Management Fact Sheet for Teens)
• Talk to an adult you trust if you feel intensely angry, fearful or anxious.
• Do not carry weapons or associate with people who do. Weapons escalate conflicts and increase the chances of serious harm.
• Avoid or be cautious in places or situations where conflicts tend to arise, such as crowded hallways, bathrooms, or unsupervised places in a school.
• Reject taunts for a fight and find a compromise to a dispute rather than resorting to violence.
• Decide on your options for handling a problem when conflict arises, such as talking the problem out calmly, staying away from certain people, or getting others involved to settle a dispute, such as a teacher, peer mediator, or counselor.
• Understand that retaliation (getting back at someone in a violent way) is not an effective way to respond to teasing, insults, rough play, and offensive touching (pushing, grabbing, shoving, slapping, kicking or hitting) (Crawford and Bodine 2001).

READ MORE

National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center (NYVPRC)	Click here to visit site
NYVPRC — Conflict Resolution	Click here to visit site
University of Wisconsin – Madison Conflict Resolution	Click here to visit site

School Violence Concerns from Coast to Coast

In communities throughout the nation, awareness and sensitivity to signs and threats of school violence has intensified.

The picture painted in news headlines from the last 72 hours portrays violence as a normal, almost unavoidable occurrence in everyday American life.

---

County Releases Report On School Violence
San Diego, CA – ... and a gang intervention program should be reinstated, among other things, according to a county grand jury report on school violence released Wednesday. ...
Read more…

Joint Police Training Exercise Gives Departments Practice for School Violence
Port Arthur, TX – It was enough to cause anyone concern ... and maybe even fear -- the sight of dozens of swat team officers near Port Arthur's Woodrow Wilson Middle School ...
Read more…

Ridgeway students fear threat, stay home
Memphis, TN – Nearly 1,100 of Ridgeway High School's 1,500 students didn't show up or were checked out of school Wednesday by parents concerned by a cascade of text messages warning of a possible shooting.
Read more…

FBI Trains Louisiana Police On School Violence
Baton Rouge, LA – The shootings at Virginia Tech University are one example of the instances of school campus violence studied by the FBI since the early 1920s. ...
Read more…

DUSD officials squash threats; Negative rumors permeate WCHS
Surprise, AZ – The police chief asked anyone with pertinent information regarding school violence to call law enforcement officials. “Do not think it is not important,” ...
Read more…

Police and school officials investigate alleged threat of violence at FMHS
Fort Madison, IA – Local authorities have been investigating a threat of violence allegedly made by two male students Monday at Fort Madison High School. ...
Read more…

Threats and rumors of violence spread throughout Gower
Gower, MO – When the school bells rang in Gower, the hallways were empty and classroom doors shut. School was called off for the day, and instead of learning, ...
Read more…

---

America must not allow a culture of violence and rage to continue to cut short the promise of our youth. Action is needed, an action expressed through a sense of urgency. Our survival demands a reawakening of the basic values of character in every community and classroom throughout the nation.

Understanding Mental Illness: Critical to the Educational Environment

Due to the recent Virginia Tech University tragedy, the issue of mental illness has resurfaced and, in the coming months, will once again be afforded public attention and debate.

Security and safety at educational facilities requires the collaboration of numerous disciplines and mental health professionals must be involved with this process.

The following "News Note" from The Christophers website provides a brief overview of understanding mental illness.

[Reprinted from The Christophers Website – www.christophers.com]

CHRISTOPHER NEWS NOTE #417
Understanding Mental Illness

"I could not travel… because all my silent thoughts
were somehow being picked up and read." – Glenn

"I can't sit; I need to stand, to walk, to move around;
I have this energy; I'm into movement…
moving, like I could go on forever." – Daryl

"I am now the most miserable man living…
I must die or be better." – Abraham Lincoln

---

These quotes illustrate schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and major clinical depression. And they capture a bit of what a person with such a severe mental illness might feel.

Mental illness is not rare. It is not just something that happens to other families, in other neighborhoods. "One in four American families are affected by mental illness, and it's time we talked about it," observes Dr. Loraine Stern.

There is a great range in the type and severity of mental problems. Often people with mental illness can function and make valuable contributions. President Abraham Lincoln struggled with depression, yet is esteemed as one of the great U.S. presidents. But patients and their families must cope with disturbing symptoms as they seek healing and a normal life. All of us are responsible for treating every person, without exception, with respect and compassion.

Love your neighbor as yourself.
James 2:8

What is mental illness?

The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill defines mental illness as "a group of disorders causing severe disturbances in thinking, feeling, and relating" which diminish one's ability to cope with normal demands. Common mental and emotional difficulties include anxiety disorders, substance abuse, Alzheimer's disease, and phobias.

Personal problems, such as grief over the death of a loved one or nervous "butterflies" before a public presentation, are normal. If symptoms interfere with an ability to be satisfied and effective at work or school and in personal relationships, it's a good idea to seek professional help.

Peace be to you; do not fear.
Judges 6:23

At home, in community

A loving atmosphere helps sufferers to cope with the sometimes terrifying world of mental illness.

Marjorie Manning Vaughan, a parish Eucharistic minister, has bipolar disorder and finds her colleagues' support invaluable. "For a mentally ill person, a church can either make or break them," she says. "I have been loved by almost everybody that I have come in contact with for any length of time."

In Salt of the Earth magazine, Thomas Lambert writes that without compassion hope and faith can shatter. "Persons with mental illness wonder if God loves them because they have been taught that…God's love for them is reflected by their faith community's care for them." Mentally ill people who are shunned "become victims of both the illness and of society."

Families can also feel overwhelmed, frustrated, angry and guilty. The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill cites typical stressors: financial burdens, emotional upheaval, and practical problems of everyday living with a person who is ill and whose behavior is often difficult.

Concern from friends and neighbors, peer support groups and family counseling can help. Being there and listening, offering time out from everyday tensions can mean all the difference in tough circumstances.

Bear one another's burdens.
Galatians 6:2

Necessity for treatment

Untreated mental illness limits one's choices and chances. Sometimes people are ashamed, afraid, don't know the signs of mental illness, or are unaware of treatment options.

Seeking treatment can be an emotionally and financially sound decision. Studies have shown that individual and family therapy can save money by reducing the number of hospitalizations, decreasing worker absenteeism and increasing productivity.

Available treatments include medication and/or such therapies as behavior, cognitive, supportive, and insight-oriented psychotherapy, and psychoanalysis. Whatever the treatment, a good relationship between patient and professional is often key to success.

Care and compassion also make a difference.

Rejoice in hope.
Romans 12:12

Time to change attitudes

Today, people speak openly about facets of life once taboo. Yet, through fear and misunderstanding, mental illness retains a stigma.

Once people showing signs of mental illness were thought to be witches or possessed by evil spirits. Their often inexplicable behavior caused others to shun or isolate them.

Myths still exist and many people are uncomfortable with those whose behavior is different. Mentally ill people are sometimes accused of character flaws or weakness for not trying hard enough to "snap out of it." Most mentally ill persons are not violent.

We now know that the brain's malfunctioning biochemistry is often a major factor and that overwhelming stress, such as poverty, increases vulnerability.

"Education is still vital," says Michael Faenza of the National Mental Health Association. "Eradicating misunderstanding and stigma with… facts can really save lives."

As you have done, it shall be done to you.
Obadiah 15

A look at…schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is a group of disorders marked by delusions, hallucinations and disorganized thinking.

Taken from the Greek meaning "splitting of the mind," connections between what's going on within the person and what's happening in the outside world seem to split apart. For instance, someone might laugh while describing a death in the family.

Schizophrenia usually first shows up in the teens, 20s or early 30s. Some, though not all, people speak, dress and behave in bizarre ways.

Dr. Frederick Frese, director of psychology at Western Reserve Psychiatric Hospital in Ohio, has a special perspective: "I am a person with schizophrenia. I am not currently psychotic, but I have been in the state of psychosis often enough to be somewhat familiar with the trips there and back. This disorder disrupts brain chemistry and fools you into believing that your thoughts are rational when other people can usually tell that they're not."

…bipolar disorder

"Manic-depression, a strongly genetic disease, pitches patients from depressed to hyperactive and euphoric, or intensely irritable," says Kay Redfield Jamison, psychiatry professor at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine.

Daryl Jacobson got the psychiatric help he needed at the urging of his wife. Daryl went from being easygoing to having hostile outbursts. He paced around at home and "talked a mile a minute."

Mania can be deceiving. A person may feel less need for sleep, feel productive and get lots of ideas. But the high doesn't last. A closer look at the ideas usually shows them to be unrealistic and grandiose.

…major clinical depression

Feeling "blue" or "down" occasionally is not a major clinical depression. Severe depression won't lift with advice to cheer up. Significant relief is often possible in a relatively short time with medication, psychotherapy or both.

Women are more likely than men to suffer major depression, according to Professor Sonia Austrian of Cornell University Medical School. While evidence is not conclusive, cultural factors seem more relevant than biology.

It's said that men find it hard to ask for help. For anyone who believes that it's admirable to be stoic, to never cry, to be self-sufficient and independent, realizing that it is appropriate to get help is a real eye-opener.

Symptoms of major depression include:

• persistent sad or "empty" mood • feeling helpless, worthless, pessimistic or guilty • substance abuse • fatigue or loss of interest in common activities, including sex • disturbances in eating and sleeping • irritability, crying, anxiety and panic attacks • difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions • thoughts, plans or attempts at suicide • persistent physical symptoms or pains that won't respond to treatment.

What mentally ill people need

Persons with mental illness need what everyone needs — loving friends, a caring community, rewarding work. They also need to have their illness acknowledged and addressed.

A person with schizophrenia writes: "My family and relatives have offered financial and emotional support… I have a wide circle of nurturing friends in church, E.A. (Emotions Anonymous), the civic theater, work, and college. This acceptance gives me courage and fulfills my life in a way no fantasy can. When my delusions threaten to turn to paranoia, I remember my friends and dare to trust, to reach out."

During active periods of illness, some people need psychiatric hospitalization with counseling and medication monitoring. But for most patients long-term hospitalization is a thing of the past. In general, persons with mental illness are fortunate if understanding loved ones keep daily routines as normal as possible.

Persons with mental illness are more isolated than others realize. Friends, neighbors, co-workers, fellow church members can help by visiting and including those with mental illness and their families in events and activities.

Agencies, such as COMPEER, match those with mental illness and trained volunteers. The two may go to movies, restaurants, etc. A therapist is available for guidance.

As one expert writes: "Concerned persons who offer human compassion and a sanctuary from a confusing world must be a cornerstone of any overall treatment plan."

In addition to understanding mental health issues for the purpose of preventing a crisis, it is important in the wake of a traumatic event that all individuals entrusted with the care of youth have a sense of how to deal with recovery. The United States Department of Health and Human Services – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration offers these tips:

Click here to read In the Wake of Trauma brochure

READ MORE

NAMI – National Alliance on Mental Illness	Click here to visit site
NAMI – Virginia Tech Tragedy: Responses & Resources	Click here to visit site
NIMH – National Institute of Mental Health	Click here to visit site
NIMH – Coping With Traumatic Events	Click here to visit site

School Security Concerns: Time For Action

Shock. Outrage. Sadness. Americans wrestle with many emotions as we reflect on the senseless killings at Virginia Tech. I am reminded of the words of philosopher George Santayana:

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

I implore all those in positions of responsibility for school safety and security:

Please!
– No More Task Forces!
– No More Paper Tigers!
– IT IS TIME FOR ACTION!

Countless hours of expert resources and millions of dollars have already been spent studying school tragedies over the last ten years. Results and recommendations have been written and made available – many times at little or no cost – to assist schools in implementing plans, protocols and procedures to keep our children safe. Yet still, in the vast media coverage accompanying these events, an all too common response from those in positions of responsibility entrusted with safeguarding our children is

"We'll have to look into that... We'll form a task force to review the situation and make recommendations..."

It is time to put the lessons learned from school tragedies over the last 10 years into practice. In my presentations throughout the United States since the Columbine tragedy, I have found many individuals in educational and school security related positions unfamiliar or unpracticed with the preparedness insights from documents such as:

• Early Warning, Timely Response: A Guide to Safe Schools–August 1998
  Offers research-based practices designed to assist school communities identify these warning signs early and develop prevention, intervention and crisis response plans. The guide includes sections on:
  • Characteristics of a School that is Safe and Responsive to All Children
  • Early Warning Signs
  • Getting Help for Troubled Children
  • Developing a Prevention and Response Plan
  • Responding to Crisis
  • Resources
  • Methodology, Contributors, and Research Support
  Click here to read more...
• Safeguarding Our Children: An Action Guide–April 2000
  On April 28, 2000, the U.S. Department of Education and Department of Justice released a jointly developed Action Guide to help schools and communities prevent school violence. The guide, Safeguarding Our Children: An Action Guide, follows up on the 1998 Early Warning, Timely Response: A Guide To Safe Schools, which offered guidelines for school safety and was also co-authored by the U.S. Departments of Education and Justice.
  Click here to read more...
• THE FINAL REPORT AND FINDINGS OF THE SAFE SCHOOL INITIATIVE: IMPLICATIONS FOR THE PREVENTION OF SCHOOL ATTACKS IN THE UNITED STATES–May 2002
  In 2002, the U.S. Secret Service completed the Safe School Initiative, a study of school shootings and other school-based attacks that was conducted in collaboration with the U.S. Department of Education. The study examined school shootings in the United States as far back as 1974, through the end of the school year in 2000, analyzing a total of 37 incidents involving 41 student attackers. The study involved extensive review of police records, school records, court documents, and other source materials, and included interviews with 10 school shooters. The focus of the study was on developing information about the school shooters's pre-attack behaviors and communications. The goal was to identify information about a school shooting that may be identifiable or noticeable before the shooting occurs, to help inform efforts to prevent school-based attacks.
  Click here to read more...
• PRACTICAL INFORMATION ON CRISIS PLANNING: A GUIDE FOR SCHOOLS AND COMMUNITIES–May 2003
  Taking action now can save lives, prevent injury, and minimize property damage in the moments of a crisis. If you do not have a crisis plan in place, it is time to develop one. If you have one, review, practice, and update your plan. This brochure is designed to assist schools and communities in either situation. Although every school's needs and circumstances are different, these checklists provide general guidance that can be adapted as appropriate to each district's or school's circumstances.
  Click here to read more...

These are only four of the federally funded resources published over the past 10 years; there are hundreds, perhaps thousands, of federal, state and local resources available.

The safety and security of American youth can no longer be compromised. We must respond now without reservation. The nation cannot wait for plans to be submitted to a task force, reviewed by layers of politically appointed bureaucrats and then tucked away on a shelf to collect dust. A plan is absolutely worthless without leadership, readiness and training, especially in school and campus environments where education should be the order of the day.

Readiness must be exercised through awareness, training, table-top planning, partial and full scale drills and collaboration of all those with roles and responsiblities in the school security spectrum. This includes school administrators, teachers, students, parents, mental health professionals, law enforcement, fire, and emergency personnel, as well as community leaders.

Most schools and campuses already have safety and security plans in place. These plans need to be IMMEDIATELY reviewed, modified, and/or enhanced through uncompromising leadership and unity of effort. Most importantly, they must be practiced! A culture of preparedness must be ignited and intensified daily with full force determination and vigilance at each school, district and campus nationwide.

The time for apathy and continuous reinventing of the wheel is over. Brilliant minds have collaborated on many dynamic reports, recommendations and resources. After all these years, it is time to take action. So let's get our safety and security teams together and do what needs to be done.

Remembering Columbine

On April 20, 2007, the nation commemorates the eighth anniversary of the Columbine High School tragedy and pauses to solemnly honor the memory of the twelve students and one teacher who perished on that fateful day in Littleton, Colorado:

Rachel Scott  ◊  Daniel Rohrbough  ◊  Dave Sanders
Kyle Velasquez  ◊  Steven Curnow  ◊  Cassie Bernall
Isaiah Shoels  ◊  Matthew Kechter  ◊  Lauren Townsend
John Tomlin  ◊  Kelly Fleming  ◊  Daniel Mauser
Corey DePooter

Rachel's Challenge is a program dedicated to the memory of Rachel Scott, the first person killed at Columbine. Through Rachel's writings and example, this program hopes to motivate positive change in the way we treat each other.

[Getting to Know Rachel — Reprinted www.rachelschallenge.com]

"Rachel had a unique way of tilting her head to the side when she was thinking seriously. And I remember her beautiful smile. Rachel had an inward motivation to accomplish as much as possible. Whenever she sensed an injustice being done to someone, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it was, indignation rose up within her. She was always ready to stand up for anyone who she felt was mistreated."
– Darrell Scott, Rachel's Father

"We met the first day of class (fourth grade) and she shined back then too. Here's just one quick story: I remember one Halloween. I wore a Zorro costume to school, and I hated it because my mom made it and I felt pretty dorky. And Rachel came to me and said, 'What's wrong with you, Serge? I love Zorro. I like him. I'd like to be him. You wanna switch costumes with me?' end ever since then, we just had this bond that just grew and grew ever since our first play in fourth grade until our last play that we performed at Columbine."
– Sergio Gonzales, Rachel's friend

"Rachel lived a life filled with kindness and compassion, and because of it, she's changed the world."
– Craig Scott, Rachel's Brother

"I have this theory that if one person can
go out of their way to show compassion
then it will start a chain reaction of the same."
Rachel Joy Scott

Spotlight On: Immaculee Ilibagiza, Rwandan Holocaust Survivor

On Wednesday, April 18, 2007, I attended a lecture by Immaculee Ilibagiza, the author of Left To Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust at the campus student center of Caldwell College in Caldwell, New Jersey.

From the moment that Immaculee took the stage, a sense of goodness, peacefulness and gentleness overtook the crowd of over 700. Immaculee was able to transform the entire assembly by sharing her story of triumph over adversity and she was able to touch the hearts of those in attendance because she spoke from her heart about compassion, forgiveness and love.

[Reprinted from the book jacket of Left To Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust]

Immaculee Ilibagiza grew up in a country she loved, surrounded by a family she cherished. But in 1994 her idyllic world was ripped apart as Rwanda descended into a bloody genocide. Her family was brutally murdered during a killing spree that lasted three months and claim the lives of nearly a million Rwandans.

Miraculously, Immaculee survived the slaughter. For 91 days, she and seven other women huddled silently together in the cramped bathroom of a local pastor's home while hundreds of machete-wielding killer hunted for them.

It was during those endless hours of unspeakable terror that Immaculee discovered the power of prayer, eventually shedding her fear of death and forging a profound and lasting relationship with God. She emerged from her bathroom hideout having truly discovered the meaning of unconditional love-a love so strong that she was able to seek out and forgive her family's killers.

The triumphant story of this remarkable women's journey through the darkness of genocide will inspire anyone whose life has been touched by fear, suffering and loss.

Immaculee Ilibagiza captivated the audience not only with her moving account of survival but with the essence of her soul, highlighted by the power of her forgiving, compassionate and loving heart. The evening will leave a lifelong impression on those privileged to attend. Some of the profound thoughts she shared included:

• The importance of understanding that healing takes time. Immaculee's healing did not happen the moment that she was liberated from her hiding place in Rwanda but over the course of many years.
• There is always light at the end of the tunnel of every experience no matter how dark and long it seems.
• Trials allow us to grow and develop a deep inner strength and this strength is often the gift that we are meant to share with others.
• It is important to pay attention to developing signs of problems. There was intolerance developing over the airways on the pending Rwandan genocide but people did not take it seriously and it escalated into full scale killing of unimaginable proportion.
• Heartfelt prayer to God is often accompanied by self doubt but one must press on despite all temptations not to believe.
• All that we pray for will be answered and, if we make promises to God during times of trial, we must keep our promises to him when the trials pass
• The Scriptures hold profound lessons for us in the Psalms, Proverbs and The Book of Ecclesiastes, especially in regard to love and forgiveness. Immaculee often found solace in these books of the Bible and as she prayed to be delivered from those seeking to kill her, she was continually reminded by these inspired writings to have a heart full of compassion, mercy, forgiveness and love.
• Since it is based on Scripture, the rosary is powerful. Praying the rosary, especially the sorrowful mysteries inspired Immaculee to realize that if God Himself was persecuted and could still pray "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do," so she must have the same heart of forgiveness. As God was forgiving people who were killing him, we must forgive those who persecute us and those whom we love.
• Anger prevents peace and forgiveness. Each human being must totally surrender to God with peace filled hearts.
• Individuals must never be judged for appearances. Immaculee remembers the amount of weight she lost during her confinement but her interior strength was beyond measure and impossible to shake.
• God is truly our only hope. The genocide took the lives of Immaculee's parents, grandparents, siblings, family, friends and community. All perished but Immaculee's hope in God and faith in eternity gave peace to her soul.
• With God in our lives all difficulties will be overcome.

Afterwards, I had the opportunity to speak personally with Immaculee about the trials in contemporary America, particularly in regard to violence, empty places of worship and a crisis of character. We agreed that God has bountifully blessed this land and in very short time its transformation will take place through the goodness of those devoted to its treasured ideals and through the power of prayer by the people of so many great faiths that are privileged to call America home.

Virginia Tech: A Time to Mourn

"There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens." – Ecclesiastes 3:1

According to the Jerome Biblical commentary, the author of this Old Testament verse from Sacred Scripture relates to the inability of humankind to understand the events in this world but to know that God rules time. Humanity is significantly limited as to the capability to understand the trials and sufferings of this life as tragically exemplified by the Virginia Tech calamity but God's presence, in whatever faith each person has to understand it, is our only hope.

"Under the heavens," the time now is to mourn for those who have lost their lives and for those who have been injured. These individuals, as well as all the family and friends who love them, deserve our prayerful and emotional sensitivity.

In time, when it is more appropriate, I will be addressing the critical issue of violence in American society, based on my experiences throughout the nation since the April 20, 1999 Columbine tragedy. At this time, the essential priority must be to unite as a community to pray for the repose of the souls of those who have perished and to pray for the healing of those who have been injured.

Reminded of the violence so pervasive in our society, it is also critical to pray for all those throughout our nation who have been affected by school violence:

• February 2, 1996 / Moses Lake, WA
  Two students and one teacher killed, one other wounded when 14-year-old Barry Loukaitis opened fire on his algebra class.
• February 19, 1997 / Bethel, AK
  Principal and one student killed, two others wounded by Evan Ramsey, 16.
• October 1, 1997 / Pearl, MS
  Two students killed and seven wounded by Luke Woodham, 16, who was also accused of killing his mother. He and his friends were said to be outcasts who worshiped Satan.
• December 1, 1997 / West Paducah, KY
  Three students killed, five wounded by Michael Carneal, 14, as they participated in a prayer circle at Heath High School.
• December 15, 1997 / Stamps, AR
  Two students wounded. Colt Todd, 14, was hiding in the woods when he shot the students as they stood in the parking lot.
• March 24, 1998 / Jonesboro, AR
  Four students and one teacher killed, ten others wounded outside as Westside Middle School emptied during a false fire alarm. Mitchell Johnson, 13, and Andrew Golden, 11, shot at their classmates and teachers from the woods.
• April 24, 1998 / Edinboro, PA
  One teacher, John Gillette, killed, two students wounded at a dance at James W. Parker Middle School. Andrew Wurst, 14, was charged.
• May 19, 1998 / Fayetteville, TN
  One student killed in the parking lot at Lincoln County High School three days before he was to graduate. The victim was dating the ex-girlfriend of his killer, 18-year-old honor student Jacob Davis.
• May 21, 1998 / Springfield, OR
  Two students killed, 22 others wounded in the cafeteria at Thurston High School by 15-year-old Kip Kinkel. Kinkel had been arrested and released a day earlier for bringing a gun to school. His parents were later found dead at home.
• June 15, 1998 / Richmond, VA
  One teacher and one guidance counselor wounded by a 14-year-old boy in the school hallway.
• April 20, 1999 / Littleton, CO
  14 students (including killers) and one teacher killed, 23 others wounded at Columbine High School in the nation's deadliest school shooting. Eric Harris, 18, and Dylan Klebold, 17, had plotted for a year to kill at least 500 and blow up their school. At the end of their hour-long rampage, they turned their guns on themselves.
• May 20, 1999 / Conyers, GA
  Six students injured at Heritage High School by Thomas Solomon, 15, who was reportedly depressed after breaking up with his girlfriend.
• November 19, 1999 / Deming, NM
  Victor Cordova Jr., 12, shot and killed Araceli Tena, 13, in the lobby of Deming Middle School.
• December 6, 1999 / Fort Gibson, OK
  Four students wounded as Seth Trickey, 13, opened fire with a 9mm semiautomatic handgun at Fort Gibson Middle School.
• February 29, 2000 / Mount Morris Township, MI
  Six-year-old Kayla Rolland shot dead at Buell Elementary School near Flint, Mich. The assailant was identified as a six-year-old boy with a .32-caliber handgun.
• March 10, 2000 / Savannah, GA
  Two students killed by Darrell Ingram, 19, while leaving a dance sponsored by Beach High School.
• May 26, 2000 / Lake Worth, FL
  One teacher, Barry Grunow, shot and killed at Lake Worth Middle School by Nate Brazill, 13, with .25-caliber semiautomatic pistol on the last day of classes.
• September 26, 2000 / New Orleans, LA
  Two students wounded with the same gun during a fight at Woodson Middle School.
• January 17, 2001 / Baltimore, MD
  One student shot and killed in front of Lake Clifton Eastern High School.
• March 5, 2001 / Santee, CA
  Two killed and 13 wounded by Charles Andrew Williams, 15, firing from a bathroom at Santana High School.
• March 7, 2001 / Williamsport, PA
  Elizabeth Catherine Bush, 14, wounded student Kimberly Marchese in the cafeteria of Bishop Neumann High School; she was depressed and frequently teased.
• March 22, 2001 / Granite Hills, CA
  One teacher and three students wounded by Jason Hoffman, 18, at Granite Hills High School. A policeman shot and wounded Hoffman.
• March 30, 2001 / Gary, IN
  One student killed by Donald R. Burt, Jr., a 17-year-old student who had been expelled from Lew Wallace High School.
• November 12, 2001 / Caro, MI
  Chris Buschbacher, 17, took two hostages at the Caro Learning Center before killing himself.
• January 15, 2002 / New York, NY
  A teenager wounded two students at Martin Luther King Jr. High School.
• April 14, 2003 / New Orleans, LA
  One 15-year-old killed, and three students wounded at John McDonogh High School by gunfire from four teenagers (none were students at the school). The motive was gang-related.
• April 24, 2003 / Red Lion, PA
  James Sheets, 14, killed principal Eugene Segro of Red Lion Area Junior High School before killing himself.
• September 24, 2003 / Cold Spring, MN
  Two students are killed at Rocori High School by John Jason McLaughlin, 15.
• March 21, 2005 / Red Lake, MN
  Jeff Weise, 16, killed grandfather and companion, then arrived at school where he killed a teacher, a security guard, 5 students, and finally himself, leaving a total of 10 dead.
• November 8, 2005 / Jacksboro, TN
  One 15-year-old shot and killed an assistant principal at Campbell County High School and seriously wounded two other administrators.
• Aug. 24, 2006 / Essex, VT
  Christopher Williams, 27, looking for his ex-girlfriend at Essex Elementary School, shot two teachers, killing one and wounding another. Before going to the school, he had killed the ex-girlfriend's mother.
• September 26, 2006 / Bailey, CO
  Adult male held six students hostage at Platte Canyon High School and then shot and killed Emily Keyes, 16, and himself.
• September 29, 2006 / Cazenovia, WI
  A 15-year-old student shot and killed Weston School principal John Klang.
• October 3, 2006 / Nickel Mines, PA
  32-year-old Carl Charles Roberts IV entered the one-room West Nickel Mines Amish School and shot 10 schoolgirls, ranging in age from 6 to 13 years old, and then himself. Five of the girls and Roberts died.
• January 3, 2007 / Tacoma, WA
  Douglas Chanthabouly, 18, shot fellow student Samnang Kok, 17, in the hallway of Henry Foss High School.
• April 16, 2007 / Blacksburg, VA
  A 23-year-old Virginia Tech student, Cho Seung-Hui, killed two in a dorm, then killed 30 more 2 hours later in a classroom building. His suicide brought the death toll to 33, making the shooting rampage the most deadly in U.S. history. Fifteen others were wounded

Transforming Our Schools: The Hearts and Bricks of School Security

On Saturday, April 14, 2007, thanks to the leadership of Ralph Flood and Joe Pesavento of the Mid Hudson Teacher Center in partnership with the SUNY New Paltz School of Education and NYS Teacher Centers, a security awareness, violence prevention and character education conference was held at the Marlboro High School in Marlboro, New York. The collaborative event included the participation of 17 co-sponsoring teacher centers from counties throughout New York State.

This conference was in response to ongoing school violence concerns throughout the nation and the need to develop safe learning environments with academic standards of excellence and cultivating a culture of character education. The conference focused on "the heart" as well as "the brick" aspects of school security to:

• Affirm the educators role in the lives of their students
• Encourage the collaboration within the community
• Inspire attendees to a renewed commitment
• Highlight the key components of a school safety plan
• Review and enhance school security and character education plans through team work sessions

Robert Mahoney, Executive Director of the Security Management Group and a former FBI assistant inspector with nationwide responsibilities for inspections, audits and investigations gave an extraordinary presentation on school safety plans and crisis management. Mr. Mahoney's experience was invaluable since on the morning of September 11, 2001, he was in the World Trade Center and thereafter served as Command Post Supervisor in recovery and crisis management.

[Reprinted from the Robert Mahoney presentation]

First Objective of a School Safety Plan

• Awareness of Problem
• Knowledge of Appropriate Responses
• Provide Students with the means to avoid violence-Prevention and Intervention is important

Reasons Schools Do Not Plan

• Denial of Problems
• Being Reticent to Make Crisis Management a Priority
• Allowing Oneself to be Unaware of Risks Inherent to a School
• Ignoring Warning Signs as they Emerge
• Relying on Weak and Untested Plans-false sense of security

Questions that must be Answered

• What are the possible threats?
• What are the critical assets?
• Are the assets vulnerable?
• What is the level of risk to each asset?
• What can be done to mitigate the risk?
• What resources, partners and education is needed?
• What policies, regulations and procedures are needed?

Mr. Mahoney also presented the liability issue of foreseeable risks reminding all that we must be aware of exposure and be preventative. He explained the New York State S.A.V.E. law and provided the leadership necessary to answer the aforementioned questions and provided insight with the development of plans and drills. He encouraged the execution of drills not only during conveniently announced times to staff but unannounced times prior to the school day, after school when students are boarding buses and being picked up by parents and even at large athletic events since this type of preparedness is required by law.

As the speaker for the event on "the heart" portion of school violence prevention, I spoke about the crisis of character in contemporary society, the incredible technological progress we have made as opposed to the lack of human relationship progress and the influential role educators have in the lives of children. All present were reminded that they are in privileged positions of trust and critical to the renewal of character in their schools and to America itself.

After the presentations, half of the attendees met with Robert Mahoney to renew and enhance school safety plans and half met with me to renew and enhance character education programs. My group immediately was divided into 7 teams to discuss and brainstorm on character education and to choose a team leader to present findings to the assembly. Their effort and findings were edifying and shared as a point of reference to assist schools with the development of a character education culture:

Sue Eagan, Teacher for 33 Years
(31 Years as a 2nd grade teacher)
Marlboro Central School District, Marlboro, NY

• Acts of Kindness are important and must be enhanced not only by students but by teachers and administrators as well. This must be the philosophy of the school and district with awards, photographing and even a district and school character education committee just as there are school safety committees.
• Conflict resolution skills are important and group dynamics must always be managed so only one is speaking at a time
• Patriotism can be instilled with flag day programs, the learning of patriotic songs, patriotic discussions in classes and the invitation of military personnel to visit the school to deliver presentations
• Educators must be sensitive to broken families and that many children are under stress. It is heartbreaking that there is a pandemic of divorce and many children feel the brokenness and often blame themselves

Terri Tomanelli, Teacher for 25 Years
Marlboro High School, Marlboro, NY

• Educators must listen to children since society and families are not cooperating with the education of youth. Classrooms must have open door polices where children know they are welcome to come before or after school to speak with a teacher about concerns
• Good behavior must be modeled by all of the staff of a school
• Extraordinary educators empathize. They allow youth to share opinions, show appreciation and interest in what is important to their students, build rapport and earn trust. The educators who respect their students are respected by them and have no discipline problems in their classrooms
• Clubs, sports and extracurricular activities are essential to character education and the qualities of character must be instilled there as well. Students must be encouraged to participate and supported in their efforts
• Positive Behavior Intervention rewards for pro social behavior is positive especially since so many students have a need to be recognized and appreciated
• Bring in community members to speak with the class and make positive connections

Sabrina Thorpe, Teacher for 10 Years
Krieger School, Poughkeepsie, NY

• A word of the day that reminds and inspires a character education quality such as respect, trust, patience, kindness, thoughtfulness is helpful
• Bullying prevention is important and schools must be bully free zones
• Leadership development programs are important and leadership initiatives can be an important for a classroom, school and district
• Character education must be instilled not only in each classroom but it must be a culture that is instilled within the entire school and the district

Sarah Amodeo, 2nd Grade Teacher in her Second Year
Marlboro Elementary School, Marlboro, NY

• Character Education can be instilled through skits, role playing, right choice initiatives and sharing times where students have the opportunity to express themselves and get positive reinforcement and guidance
• The tone of character education must begin at the initiation of the school year with class and school rules and the encouragement of acts of kindness, reading of books with good moral values and ethics and reminders of the importance of avoiding unhealthy habits, inappropriate remarks
• Children need praise and many of them feel invisible to adults
• Field trips are important so friendships can be developed
• Certificates of award are important especially with the recognition that comes with them. Many youth treasure the memory of these recognitions for a life time

Steve Grey, Teacher for 7 years
Marlboro High School, NY

• The positive mentoring of younger students by older students must be cultivated
• Random acts of kindness must be cultivated and awarded at school assemblies
• Students need recognition and this must be understood, appreciated and cultivated in the school
• Students will hold each other accountable and up to high standards if the character culture is taken seriously

Elaine Buckton, Teacher for 18 years
Cahill Elementary School, Saugerties, NY

• Character education theme posters must be more then wall coverings-they must be supported by dedication to a character education environment
• Kindness is contagious and there can be programs where children can nominate winners who display character qualities
• Character and discipline are inseparable and if character is deeply rooted it will affect the overall discipline of a classroom and school
• Successful alumni can be invited back to speak to and motivate students
• A "Pay-It-Forward" program can be developed where character qualities are represented and awarded
• Study buddies is positive since it encourages students to help each other
• Programs that help the community soup kitchen or welcome home soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan can be developed

Dawn Sala, School Psychologist/Educator for 16 years
Myers Corners Elementary, Wappingers Falls, NY

• Character education must be district wide and taken seriously with character education committees that provide leadership
• Each school must be involved with character education
• Food drives for those in need must be fostered
• Veterans banners that express appreciation for those in military service as well as for their families must be displayed
• Posters are helpful such as the one noticed in the hallway outside this auditorium "Attitude is Everything"
• Award coupons can be given that can be redeemed for various prizes
• Assemblies that foster patriotism are needed
• Essay contests on character can be cultivated with winners reading portions of their essays on the PA system

Jackie Robinson: An Enduring Icon of Leadership

Jackie Robinson Day was celebrated on April 15, 2007 in baseball stadiums across America. As Major League Baseball honors the 60th anniversary of "Number 42's" rookie season, it is important to remember the man who broke baseball's color barrier.

Jackie Robinson's life exemplifies courage, character and conviction. Jackie was athletically gifted with a rare ability to thrill the fans of baseball. But his talents went much deeper than hitting, running, catching and throwing. The prejudice and abuse Robinson endured as Major League Baseball's first African American player paved the way for black athletes who followed him and brought national attention to segregation and injustice towards black Americans.

Despite the many obstacles he had to overcome, Jackie Robinson had an outstanding baseball career which earned him honor as a member of the National Baseball Hall of Fame. And if there should ever be an American Leadership Hall of Fame, Jackie Robinson's plaque should proudly hang there as an exemplary model of leadership.

[Reprinted from the www.jackierobinson.org]

Highlights of his baseball career include:

• 1947 - Rookie of the Year
• 1949 - National League Most Valuable Player Award
• 1957 - Retired from baseball after helping the Dodgers win six pennants and one World Series
• 1962 - Elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame

Robinson's history-making achievements in baseball were only part of his extraordinary life and legacy. He made his gift for the game into a forum for all of America to engage in a conversation that would leave a lasting impact on almost every facet of our society. His outspoken leadership on issues of civil and human rights continued throughout his years as a corporate executive, civil servant, and major figure in national politics.

In 1957, Robinson became the Vice President of Chock Full O' Nuts, a coffee and restaurant chain. He later co-founded Freedom National Bank of Harlem, where he was Chairman of the Board from 1964 to 1972. In 1970, he organized the Jackie Robinson Construction Corporation. In both banking and construction his major aim was to contribute to the improvement of living conditions for Black Americans, especially in the major metropolitan areas.

At the same time, Jackie Robinson was also deeply concerned with the struggle for civil rights. Starting in 1957, he traveled extensively to raise funds for the NAACP. These efforts led to close relationships with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and other prominent leaders. He was also a staunch supporter of the Anti-Defamation League of B'nai Brith. His concern with politics led him to influence leaders such as Presidents Eisenhower, Kennedy and Nixon; Hubert Humphrey and Nelson Rockefeller. In 1964, he resigned from Chock Full O' Nuts to work full time on the campaign of Governor Rockefeller, who later appointed him as Special Assistant of Community Affairs. In 1968, he campaigned on behalf of Vice President Hubert Humphrey in his presidential bid.

Jackie Robinson worked tirelessly over the years with a variety of church groups and community organizations. He served on the Board of Managers of the Harlem YMCA, where a building now bears his name. A major supporter of the National Conference of Christians and Jews, he served as National Chairman of its Brotherhood Week in 1968.

"The right of every American to first-class citizenship is the most important issue of our time." -- Jackie Robinson

READ MORE

Major League Baseball Jackie Robinson Remembered	Click here to visit site
National Baseball Hall of Fame	Click here to visit site
The Jackie Robinson Foundation	Click here to visit site

Empowering the Youth Educator: Reawakening Purpose and Passion

On April 12, 2007, I was privileged to deliver a presentation to counselors, coordinators and administrators of the Morris County Youth Shelter in Morristown, New Jersey. Also attending the presentation entitled "Empowering the Youth Educator: Reawakening Purpose and Passion" were representatives from the Morris County Prosecutor's Office, the Morris County Juvenile Detention Center, the Conklin Youth Center of Bergen County and the Sussex County Youth Shelter. These individuals work in challenging circumstances to provide services to troubled youth in their respective counties. In a very profound way, the hope of the future for these young people is dependent upon these counselors, coordinators, and administrators remaining hopeful themselves and avoiding burnout and cynicism.

We talked about the importance of keeping their mission in mind and creating a collaborative environment with their co-workers and the agencies with which they interact. Working together for the common good allows for maximum achievement. Becoming isolated and indifferent not only reduces achievement, but makes life miserable. And because this work is ESSENTIAL and their roles are VITAL in the lives of the children entrusted to their care, it is critical that each individual spend time renewing their inner strength each day so that they can continue this good work.

The individuals who attended this venue, clearly the unsung heroes of America, were an inspiration to me. They are on the front lines in work that is meaningful, important and vital to American society and they work selflessly for the sake of youth in need, often with very modest compensation. Yet, their dedication can truly touch the hearts of the youth they are in contact with and, through their dedication, they can give hope and inspiration.

About the Morris County Youth Shelter

The Morris County Youth Shelter is a short term (30 day) placement facility that temporarily houses in- crisis Morris County Adolescents who have been placed by the Morris County Family Court Judge. Residents are provided with a structured program that includes recreational activities, life skills instruction, therapeutic groups and community service projects.

Resident behavior and progress is tracked through a point system called Minimum Behavioral Expectations (MBEs). These MBEs provide a structure for the residents to function within. Using this system residents learn life skills including hygiene and proper grooming, laundering their clothing, making their bed and keeping their room neat. Residents are taught about nutrition, healthy eating, and table manners. Other behavioral expectations are in areas such as accountability, use of appropriate language, response to staff, feedback and anger management.

The Shelter has a social services component in its program. The Shelter employs one social services supervisor and two case managers. Case managers work with outside agencies to facilitate basic resident needs such as doctor, dental and therapeutic appointments. Case managers conduct one to one counseling sessions with each resident as well as group sessions. Case managers troubleshoot personal, family, social and school related issues.

The Shelter also employs a full time activities coordinator. This staff member plans daily, special incentive and community service activities for the residents. Daily activities include trips to roller and ice skating venues, bowling, sporting events, movies, cultural exhibits (such as trips to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island) and lectures. Shelter residents and staff participated in a work project at Six Flags Great Adventure and at Gateway National Park this summer. Many outside agencies come to the Shelter to provide their services including the Hope Alive Church, Alcoholics Anonymous and the “You Can” program of the New Jersey National Guard.

All of these services and activities create a well-rounded program for adolescents in crisis. The Shelter strives to stabilize adolescents, and with other agencies, resolve the crisis that forced their temporary placement. For many residents the Shelter provides important services and enjoyable experiences they might not normally receive.

Parenting Skills Insights and Observations at Secaucus Schools

On arriving at the Performing Arts Center in Secaucus, New Jersey to speak to parents last night, seeing the flag at half-staff was a reminder that life is fragile. The flag was lowered to honor Marine Pfc. Miguel A. Marcial III, 19, a 2005 Secaucus High School graduate, who died on April 1, 2007 in the Anbar province, Iraq.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to the family and friends of Miguel. We must always remember the sacrifices of those who serve in our armed forces.

◊  ◊  ◊

It was a privilege to present some insights on Parenting Skills to a group of concerned and enthusiastic (and exhausted!) parents of Secaucus Schools last night. Their dedication to their children was evident as they shared their own insights and concerns. We learned alot from each other about the challenges of parenting in the brief fifty minutes we were together.

Following are two items from the presentation for your review and reflection:

[Reprinted from the Powerpoint presentation]

Model of a Parent in Action: Involved, Informed, Inspiring

• Reasonableness
• Kindness/Calmness – "Let nothing disturb you."
• Charity above all
• Patience – especially with corrections
• Prevention not Repression
• Corrections through expression of disappointment (only effective when love and trust are the foundation)
• Sincere interest in things important to the child
• Earn the child's trust

Children Learn What They Live By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security,
    they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness,
    they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Spotlight On: C. Vivian Stringer, Rutgers Women's Basketball Coach

C. Vivian Stringer, the Rutgers University women's basketball coach has been molded into a person of character by the life lessons of discipline, sacrifice and perseverance. As a coach, she truly represents being an educator first, an individual not only concerned with striving for excellence on the court but in the more important game of life itself.

Recently, a radio host contemptuously referred to the players on the Rutgers University Women's Basketball Team in a manner expressive of racism and sexism, causing an unnecessary distraction to a dynamically successful year which culminated with a second place finish in the NCAA National Tournament. Coach Stringer's response not only exemplified dignity and leadership, but included a challenge to the offending party and to all Americans:

[Reprinted from the Rutgers Scarlet Knights website – www.scarletknights.com]

Statement from Rutgers Women's Basketball Head Coach
C. Vivian Stringer

"I am deeply saddened and angered by Mr. Imus' statements regarding the members of the Rutgers women's basketball team. These talented, articulate young women put forth a great deal of hard work and effort this past season to reach the nation's grandest stage - the NCAA title game.

Throughout the year, these gifted young ladies set an example for the nation that through hard work and perseverance, you can accomplish anything if you believe. Without a doubt, this past season was my most rewarding in 36 years of coaching. This young team fought through immeasurable odds to reach the highest pinnacle and play for the school's first national championship in a major sport.

To serve as a joke of Mr. Imus in such an insensitive manner creates a wedge and makes light of the efforts of these classy individuals, both as women and as women of color. It is unfortunate Mr. Imus sought to tarnish Rutgers' spirit and success. Should we not, as adults, send a message of encouragement to young people to aspire to the highest levels as my team did this season?

It is of the utmost importance to be an inspiration to young people and I truly believe my team represented Rutgers University, the state of New Jersey and NCAA student-athletes across the country in the highest manner. I am proud of these young women and strongly encourage Mr. Imus to instead read the headlines and the stories that told of our triumphs the past six months.

Thousands of alumni and fans have reached out to me the past few days to share their warm wishes and congratulations on a special year, fans of not only Rutgers University but of women's basketball. I appreciate their kindness and am proud to be associated and surrounded by ten exceptional student-athletes."

Coach Stringer's Career Highlights:

• Only Coach in NCAA History to lead three different women's programs to the NCAA Final Four
• Third winningest coach in women's basketball history
• Led her teams to 19 NCAA Tournament appearances, coaching in 7 regional finals
• Inducted into women's basketball hall of fame
• Three national coach of the year awards
• Sports Illustrated Coach of the Year in 1993
• Assistant coach for the Gold Medal winning 2004 U.S. Olympic Team

Despite her husband's sudden death in 1992 and raising three children on her own, Coach Stringer has displayed courage and perseverance in attaining such success. She is and always has been a role model for her players.

And now, as the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team is in the national spotlight because of their on-court success and the unfortunate remarks of Mr. Imus, C. Vivian Stringer, by her words and example, can serve as a role model for all Americans to end the injustice of intolerance.

READ MORE

PBS Documentary Scarlet Knights 2000-01 Season	Click here to visit site
2004 Tavis Smiley Interview	Click here to visit site
myhero.com – C. Vivian Stringer	Click here to visit site

Rosa Parks: Enduring Icon of Leadership

In a time when so many American youth are in desperate need for a model of quiet, persevering strength, Rosa Parks stands tall. In her simplicity, courage, dignity and pride, she is a reminder to all of us of the power that one individual, with conviction to the ideals of justice, can have in transforming our society.

Rosa Parks will forever remain for America and the world an enduring icon of leadership and the "mother of the modern civil rights movement" for her refusal to surrender her seat to a white man on a Montgomery, Alabama bus simply because she was black. She was arrested for her actions but her desire, determination and dedication ignited the civil rights movement.

"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear."
Rosa Parks

As noted in this inspirational essay about Rosa Parks from 9 year-old Heather of Pennsylvania, American students are always impressed with the courage Rosa exemplifies.

Our schools must encourage awareness and appreciation for all who courageously stand up for human rights. 

Quotes of Rosa Parks:

“Racism is still with us. But it is up to us to prepare our children for what they have to meet, and, hopefully, we shall overcome.”

“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes the fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.”

“The only tired I was, was tired of giving in.”

“You must never be fearful about what you are doing when it is right.”

“Each person must live their life as a model for others.”

“I would like to be remembered as a person who wanted to be free…so other people would also be free.”

“I knew someone had to take the first step and I made up my mind not to move.”

“From the time I was a child, I tried to protest against disrespectful treatment.”

Heather also put this collage and illustration together to demonstrate her admiration for the moral courage of Rosa Parks.

[Reprinted from the Rosa & Raymond Parks Institute for Self Development – www.rosaparks.org]

After the arrest of Rosa Parks, black people of Montgomery and sympathizers of other races organized and promoted a boycott of the city bus line that lasted 381 days. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was appointed the spokesperson for the Bus Boycott and taught nonviolence to all participants. Contingent with the protest in Montgomery, others took shape throughout the south and the country. They took form as sit-ins, eat-ins, swim-ins, and similar causes. Thousands of courageous people joined the "protest" to demand equal rights for all people.

...

As a role model for youth she was stimulated by their enthusiasm to learn as much about her life as possible. A modest person, she always encourages them to research the lives of other contributors to world peace. The Institute and The Rosa Parks Legacy are her legacies to people of good will.

Mrs. Parks received more than forty-three honorary doctorate degrees, including one from SOKA UNIVERSITY, Tokyo Japan, hundreds of plaques, certificates, citations, awards and keys to many cities. Among them are the NAACP’s Spingarn Medal, the UAW’s Social Justice Award, the Martin Luther King, Jr. Non - Violent Peace Prize and the ROSA PARKS PEACE PRIZE in 1994, Stockholm Sweden, to name a few. In September 1996 President William J. Clinton, the forty second President of the United States of America gave Mrs. Parks the MEDAL OF FREEDOM, the highest award given to a civilian citizen.

...

She attended her first "State of the Union Address" in January 1999. Mrs. Parks received a unanimous bipartisan standing ovation when President William Jefferson Clinton acknowledged her. Representative Julia Carson of Indianapolis, Indiana introduced H. R. Bill 573 on February 4, 1999, which would award Mrs. Rosa Parks the Congressional Gold Medal of Honor if it passed the House of Representatives and the Senate by a majority. The bill was passed unanimously in the Senate on April 19, and with one descenting vote in the House of Representatives on April 20. President Clinton signed it into law on May 3, 1999. Mrs. Parks was one of only 250 individuals at the time, including the American Red Cross to receive this honor. President George Washington was the first to receive the Congressional Gold Medal of Honor. President Nelson Mandela is also listed among the select few of world leaders who have received the medal.

READ MORE

Rosa & Raymond Parks Institute for Self Development	Click here to visit site
Academy of Achievement Rosa Parks	Click here to visit site