It is my privilege to visit senior residence homes, as I did
yesterday, administering the Holy Eucharist to about 35 seniors each time in
the twilight of their lives.
Yesterday included a visit to Richard, in the last hours of
his life, to offer prayers, blessing and the Eucharist for his journey to
eternity.
The visit was requested by his beloved friend after my
Eucharistic service, who solemnly wept while we prayed at Richard's bedside.
The experience with Richard was profoundly spiritual,
humbling, and a sobering reminder of mortality.
And then today, coming across a deeply meaningful article on
X, which opened the floodgates of emotions within my soul.
The sentiments of the article are a poignant reminder of how
fleeting this life is. It must inspire
the divine mandate of loving-kindness, forgiveness, and devotion to loved ones
and neighbors, and it is as follows:
Fear of Parent's Old Age
"There is a break in the family history, where the ages accumulate and overlap, and the natural order makes no sense: it’s when the child becomes the parent of their parent."
"It’s when the father grows older and begins to move as if he were walking through fog. Slowly, slowly, imprecisely.
"It’s when one of the parents who once held your hand firmly when you were little no longer wants to be alone.
It’s when the father, once strong and unbeatable, weakens and takes two breaths before rising from his seat.
"It’s when the father, who once commanded and ordered, now only sighs, only groans, and searches for where the door and window are—every hallway now feels distant.
"It’s when one of the parents, once willing and hardworking, struggles to dress themselves and forgets to take their medication.
"And we, as their children, will do nothing but accept that we are responsible for that life.
“And He said, ‘Truly I
say to you, unless you change and become like children, you will not enter the
kingdom of heaven.’” Mt: 18: 3
"The life that gave birth to us depends on our life to die in peace.
"Every child is the parent of their parent's death. Perhaps the old age of a father or mother is, curiously, the final pregnancy.
"Our last lesson. An opportunity to return the care and love they gave us for decades.
"And just as we adapted our homes to care for our babies, blocking power outlets and setting up playpens, we will now rearrange the furniture for our parents.
"The first transformation happens in the bathroom. We will be the parents of our parents, the ones who now install a grab bar in the shower.
"The grab bar is emblematic. The grab bar is symbolic. The grab bar inaugurates the "unsteadiness of the waters."
"Because the shower, simple and refreshing, now becomes a storm for the old feet of our protectors.
"We cannot leave them for even a moment.
"The home of someone who cares for their parents will have grab bars along the walls. And our arms will extend in the form of railings.
"Aging is walking while holding onto objects; aging is even climbing stairs without steps. We will be strangers in our own homes. We will observe every detail with fear and unfamiliarity, with doubt and concern.
"We will be architects, designers, frustrated engineers. How did we not foresee that our parents would get sick and need us?
"We will regret the sofas, the statues, and the spiral staircase. We will regret all the obstacles and the carpet.
"Happy is the child who becomes the parent of their parent before their death, and unfortunate is the child who only appears at the funeral and doesn't say goodbye a little each day.
"My friend Joseph Klein accompanied his father until his final moments.
"In the hospital, the nurse was maneuvering to move him from the bed to the stretcher, trying to change the sheets when Joe shouted from his seat: Let me help you. He gathered his strength and, for the first time, took his father into his arms. He placed his father's face against his chest.
"He cradled his father, consumed by cancer: small, wrinkled, fragile, trembling. He held him for a long time, the time equivalent to his childhood, the time equivalent to his adolescence, a long time, an endless time. By Your Side Nothing Hurts
Rocking his father back and forth. Caressing his father. Calming his father. And he said softly:
"' I'm here, I'm here, Dad!' What a father wants to hear at the end of his life is that his child is there."
"I love you, Dad, wherever you are, I always think of you, I will never forget you!"
Final Reflection
This sobering post on X reminded me of a moment in 2014 when I received an unexpected call from a residence home in California.
During the call, I was told that my father had just days to live, and had expressed his remorse at abandoning my sister Cathy and I when we were children, over 40 years ago.
Compounding this remorse, he was deeply sorry that he chose to be incommunicado. At times we only heard from him, or knew his whereabouts every few years, or sometimes decades.
I asked the attendant who called me for his address in California, and on the next morning flew cross-country from New Jersey. My visit allowed time for prayer, and to assure him of not only my forgiveness, but of God's.
My sincere prayer is that sharing this reflection inspires bridges in families where there is brokenness, and that we learn to be wounded healers, as our time on earth passes in the blink of an eye.
Author quoted text unknown - Text (before Vincent J. Bove final reflections) on X by Fr. Charbel Abernethy @philokalia_min - photo w/out attribution noted, Oct. 17, 2024.
Photo: Vincent with Li Nation children and teachers, Dec. 6, 2018, Li Nation, China. (Reawakening America LLC)
About Vincent
Vincent J. Bove is a national speaker, author, and confidant.
He has authored eighteen cover stories for the National Association of Chiefs of Police Magazine, and a total of 325 articles for numerous law enforcement and security publications.
His most recent books are Reawakening America© and Listen to Their Cries©.
Bove is recipient of the FBI Director’s Community Leadership Award, and former confidant for players from two world championship New York Yankee teams.
He developed Leadership Principles: Crisis Planning, Community Partnerships, Violence Prevention© keynotes to safeguard New York City at sites including:
· Museums hosted by the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA)
· Corporations hosted by The New York Stock Exchange
· Hospitals hosted by Rockefeller University
· Properties hosted by The Union Club of New York
· Universities hosted by Columbia University, the New York Athletic Club and Fordham University.
Bove has conducted extensive leadership presentations for the FBI, the United States Military Academy, law enforcement, educators, security professionals, and students nationwide. www.vincentbove.com
“We must all serve as catalysts to protect our workplaces, schools, communities, public spaces, and houses of worship. Public safety demands leadership, vigilance, and collaboration. Security demands comprehensive enhancements, on-going training, effective response to warning signs, and building bridges with law enforcement, private security, and every member of the community.” Vincent J Bove Labels: Character, Character Training/Development for Students, Education, Faith Based, In Remembrance, Parenting
