Toxic Personalities: Awareness, Identifiers, Violence Prevention

On Friday, November 18, 2022, I was privileged to continue my twenty years of service to the Bergen County Police Chiefs Association (BCPCA) with monthly remarks to their members.

During these years, it has been my responsibility, as their liaison with police-community issues, to address concerns including ethical policing, violence prevention, emergency preparedness, and public safety.

These meetings are attended by 75 – 100 police chiefs, law enforcement officials, psychologists, and community leaders.

My remarks today, in Woodridge, NJ, focused on the ongoing violence in our schools and campuses.  Just this past week there were seven university students killed, three from the University of Virginia, and four from the University of Idaho.

Toxic Personalities

It is my opinion, that aside from understanding warning signs, imminent warning signs, and violence prevention countermeasures, we must also understand toxic personalities.  

I believe that understanding all of these issues is vital to law enforcement, educators, mental health professionals, security professionals, the judicial system, and all concerned about America’s culture of violence.

Today’s remarks, focused on a section of my newest report titled School Violence: Toxic Personalities, Warning Signs, and Countermeasures.  It was released just three days ago by the National Association of Chiefs of Police.

Identifying Toxic Personalities: A List

The remarks to the BCPCA today was as follows:

"Recently, I read a book titled How to Deal with Toxic People.

"It was a glaring reminder that understanding toxic personalities is essential to law enforcement, educators, mental health professionals, and the judicial system.  

"The toxic personality types addressed in the book are as follows:     

·         The Deceiver – one who habitually lies, which is part of a larger deceptive context.  This personality type creates mistrust, chaos, and uncertainty.

·         The Control Freak – meddles with the business of others, tells them how to act, and holds them to impossible standards.  They drain your energy and seek to undermine others self-worth.

·         The Gaslighter – comes from a 1944 film Gaslight, which highlights a manipulative spouse making the innocent party feel they are the problematic one, the one psychologically impaired.

·         The Angry Venter – treats others as verbal punching bags.

·         The Know-It-All – is right about everything, always in competition with others, and needs to win always. They seek to manipulate, mistreat, and dominate others.

·         The Intimidator – seeks control by issuing threats, sometimes with bark and no bite, but can also back threats with actions.  They breed resentment, bitterness, and anger.

·         The Egotist – their motto is “It’s all about me!”  They crave, demand, and hog the spotlight, dominate conversation, and disregard the needs of others.

·         The Drama Queen or Crisis King – Every issue, even normal experiences is catastrophic.  They need to be the center of the storm, whip up problems, and orchestrate emotional conflicts.

·         The Put-Down Artist – uses words, tone of voice and actions to degrade the value of others.  They are often callous and insulting, using biting remarks, or sarcasm to diminish others.

·         The Moral Authority – pontificates to coerce compliance.

·         The Emotional Roller Coaster – takes others on mood swings to control.

·         The Pessimist – spreads discontent, and negativity like a contagious virus.

·         The Guilter – never able to apologize, but always blaming others for everything.

·         The Addict – dysfunctional due to addictions (substance abuse, gambling, alcoholism, etc.) who will say and do anything to cover their needs, including distorting the truth and inventing false realities. 

"The ability to effectively respond to toxic personalities begins with awareness.  These toxic personality types are highlighted to empower individuals to effectively respond. 

"A toxic personality does not definitively lead to acts of violence. Yet, understanding toxic personalities, especially when warning signs, or imminent warning signs are identified, is pertinent.  This understanding benefits understanding human deficiencies, prevents violence, and contributes to civility in society.”

BCPCA Mission Statement: 2022 Topics, Excerpts

MISSION STATEMENT: To secure a closer official and personal relationship among police officials in the County of Bergen; to secure unity of action in police matters; to elevate the standards of police institutions; to strive for advancement among all lines that pertain to the prevention and to the detection of crime and the promotion of police efficiency in general.

Some of my other remarks to the BCPCA during 2002 meetings include the following:

School Violence Warning Signs through the Prism of Uvalde’s Tragedy

Excerpt:  

“He [Uvalde’s Killer] showed disdain for women, and often sent them negative and perverse texts.

He communicated, ‘some women deserved to be raped.’  His bizarre behavior and depraved expressions gained him the online nickname ‘school shooter.’  Moreover, he regularly joked about rape, kidnapping, and murder.  He hated his parents and posted a video of himself lashing out obscenities at his mother.

“He wore all black, became disheveled, and walked around in combat boots.

“Yet, no one intervened. No one acted to apprehend him or to provide any viable means of correction.

“No one intervened. No one acted to control him or provide the structure desperately needed. He hated his parents and the world and he wanted to lash out in any way, no matter how horrific.

“Eventually, he found a way to receive national attention. He entered a school and shot and killed 19 school children and 2 teachers who tried to protect the children.”

Echoes of Columbine: School Violence Awareness and Prevention

Excerpt:  

“Apparently, there is no typical profile but patterns and behaviors of a school shooter.

“FBI Profiling Unit Conclusion – profiling does not work for school shooters but studies over the last 20 years show many school shooters share common characteristics as follows:

“Perceived injustices inflicted upon the attacker, they become an injustice collector with bruises that never heal.

“Revenge – born from humiliation and the loss of control.

“Need for Attention – their 15 minutes of fame no matter what the price of carnage is to pay for it.

“Troubled, alienated, hopeless, withdrawn – desperate to express their dysfunction and brokenness.

“Notoriety by the Media is appealing – the twisted notion of being recognize.”

Echoes of Columbine: School Violence Awareness and Prevention, II of II

Excerpt:  

“During my remarks, I also shared a synopsis of the Preventive System of Education.  In my opinion, this pedagogy is critical for American schools.

PREVENTIVE VS REPRESSIVE SYSTEM OF EDUCATION

“There is the repressive system that makes rules known, watches for transgressions, and is quick to discipline a student by inflicting condescending correction and punishment. 

“The errant zero-tolerance policy in so many schools is an example of a repressive system - rigid, bureaucratic, and impersonal.

“The better pedagogy is the preventive system of education. In this system, educators are vigilant in a caring manner and offer patient guidance from the heart consistent with kindness, character, and reasonableness.

“The preventive system of education builds trust, respect, and connections with students and the community. This pedagogy is the opposite of a zero-tolerance approach. 

“The preventative system responds to concerns with measured interventions that promotes reasonableness, dignity, and respect.

“The repressive system is dictatorial and may temporarily stop a disorder or a warning sign, but will not inspire students or properly remedy the issue.

“The preventive system speaks the language of the heart and is transformational. It provides speedy intervention to warning signs due to the educator’s dedication, presence, and corrective follow-through.”

NOTE WELL: Today’s remarks to the BCPCA was a segment of the report titled America’s School Violence Crisis: A Special Report, School Violence: Toxic Personalities, Warning Signs, Countermeasures.

The report was based on a fourteen year partnership of Reawakening America LLC with the National Association of Chiefs of Police. The partnership includes 18 cover stories and 58 articles authored by Vincent Bove.

Read the Report published in The Chief of Police: Click Here

Recommended Reading:  How to Deal with Toxic People (Jantz) , by Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D. and Keith Wall 

About the Author

Vincent J. Bove is a national speaker and author on issues critical to America with over 300 published works. His most recent books are “Reawakening America” and “Listen To Their Cries.”

Bove is recipient of the FBI Director’s Community Leadership Award, former confident of the New York Yankees, and served as spokesperson for a coalition of Virginia Tech tragedy victim’s families.

For 20 years, Vincent has been a Board Certified Protection Professional (CPP), Board Certified Crime Prevention Specialist, Certified Police Training Commission Instructor, Crime Prevention Practitioner, and USDOJ Certified Community Anti-Terrorism Instructor Trainer. 

Bove is also a licensed State of New Jersey / Division of State Police SORA Instructor, owner of Reawakening America LLC, and co-founder of Global Security Resolutions LLC, an international investigative company.

Photos

1. BCPCA Nov. 18, 2022 attendees pause to pray. (Reawakening America LLC)

2. Violence Prevention Photo Collage. (Photos with attribution are published in The Sentinel posting of the NACOP article by Bove.